[Intro – slow finger-picked Telecaster over a distant, heartbeat-like tom, then Gilmour-style bent-note wail]

[Verse 1 – Knopfler-dry, half-spoken]
Well the undertaker’s wearing white tonight
He’s got the champagne chilling on ice
The hearse is polished chrome and it gleams
Like a limousine for the American dream
The priest is laughing, the widow’s in red
The choir’s singing “glad that you’re dead”
Because dying’s the only thing we all get right
So death throws the party and he turns out the lights

[Pre-Chorus – Floydian organ swell]
Every clock stops ticking just to hear the sound
Of the coffin lid closing like a lost-and-found

[Chorus – Meat Loaf grandeur, Dylan sneer, Pink sneer underneath]
Death throws the party, baby, everybody’s invited
Saints and the sinners and the ones who never decided
He spins the wheel of fortune till the wheel disappears
Turns every tear into whiskey, every scream into cheers
It’s the last waltz, it’s the first kiss
It’s the joke that you finally get
Death throws the party
And life’s the cover charge you forget

[Verse 2 – Billy Joel piano rolling in, conversational]
I met an old man on the subway line
He said “Son, I’ve wasted too much time
Chasing money, love, and truth in bars
Now I’m cashing in my frequent-flyer scars”
He pulled a ticket from his coat so fine
Said “This one’s good for the very last time”
Concourse reads “Departures – No Return”
But the destination’s where the dead all learn

[Chorus – bigger, gospel backing sneaking in]
Death throws the party, baby, everybody’s invited
Kings in their rags and beggars finally lighted
He breaks the bread of memory, pours the wine of regret
Then burns the invitation so nobody forgets
It’s the last waltz, it’s the first kiss
It’s the punchline you finally get
Death throws the party
And life’s the cover charge you forget

[Bridge – Pink-style snarl over Dark Side heartbeat pulse]
All your illusions in a neat little row
Love, fame, forever, and the things you think you know
He lines them up like dominoes, gives one a tap
Watch them fall like angels with a heart attack

[Guitar solo – Satriani-meets-Gilmour liquid fire, 90 seconds of pure catharsis]

[Verse 3 – Dylan rasp, quiet again, just voice and piano]
So when the reaper rings your bell at three
Don’t bother asking “Lord, why me?”
He’s only the doorman with a crooked grin
Saying “Welcome home, kid, where you always been”
The wheel keeps turning, the illusion never ends
It just changes hands and it changes friends

[Final Chorus – full cathedral, choir, horns, everything]
Death throws the party, baby, louder than the birth cry
Every grave’s a dance floor underneath the big sky
He rips the veil, he spikes the punch with truth
And the bitter tastes sweet when you’re long in the tooth
It’s the last waltz, it’s the first kiss
It’s the secret you finally get
Death throws the party
And life was just the cover charge
We never had to pay
We never had to pay

[Outro – single guitar, heartbeat slows, then stops]
So blow out the candles, darling
The cake was always fake
But the party’s real
And it never ends
It just changes shape.